By Sr. Bernadette Kasinathan

RCIA is the reason why I am a contemplative nun.

When one is baptised as an adult, one cannot help but come to the realisation that one's life has been very uneventful, and also of many previous unruly and false conceptions. Letting the Saviour into my life made for a complete turnover and drastic changes, changes sometimes difficult and having even unhappy consequences.

After my conversion, I would find a place in the parish church where I could sit for hours and talk to HIM about the past and how to improve the present. It was no easy task but I found myself drawn to prayer and silence and solitude. I found myself mellowing down, letting go the fears that overcame me at each phase of renewal, and finally took up the cross to follow HIM in contemplative life, where I am now at the Hermitage.

Yes, I did mention some changes with unhappy consequences. I come from Singapore, and leaving my family (brothers and sisters and new born nieces and nephews behind, which was difficult) and the final stage when I gave up my citizenship of my beloved country. I felt myself orphaned, cut-off. It was one hurdle which I didn't want to jump over but for HIM who constantly shows his countenance and showers me with his gazes and love in the Psalms, readings, Mass, prayer, silence and finally through the loving friends and supporters of our life and ministry.

Life as a religious is not a bed of roses and sweet cream frosting, but a mixture of ups and downs; groaning and grumbling, anger and fear – and also surrendering and peace, unity and love, prayer, work and play and most importantly the fact that we are not alone – HE is with us!

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